Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Just who'd keep cattle?

Paraphrasing wikipedia and translating this into a parliamentary example, cattle (colloquially cows) are members of the species known as politicians. Cattle, or politicians, are raised for various reasons amongst which is as voting fodder for political parties and for compliance to the majority requirements of their own kind. By-products of this species include vast amounts of dung from both ends of their bodies.

In some countries, notably the United Kingdom, cattle, or politicians, are revered amongst their own kind as sacred and it is estimated that there are approximately 650 of these roaming the land. The effectiveness of these cattle, or politicians, is measured by the amount of 'milch' (compliance) they are able to produce for the herd, on a - one could say - 'ber' cow basis.

It is the practice amongst this species that the most productive is then elevated to the position of Speaker in order to regulate their gatherings, known as 'sittings', at which time the top cow, or Speaker, is expected to act in an impartial manner when ruling on procedures.

Unfortunately, now and again, the cattle, or politicians, make the wrong choice based on the fact that the top cow they choose refuses to favour a section of the herd, said section who although a minority of the total herd, become most vocal in their endeavours to change the cow that holds the position of Speaker. When voicing their discontent, some of the cattle believe there is no point in supporting the top cow if he does not 'bat for them' - which kinda undermines the whole democratic idea of electing one of their number to be Speaker.

Neither does it help the top cow when his prize heifer, the one selected as his preferred mating partner, departs from the agreed rules in an attempt to further her own position with those that provide the hay and barn in which they all live - this deviation from the rules includes accepting any offering from the first person she may be approached by.

When the situation arises, whereby it is shown that the bulk of the herd are arguing amongst themselves and also do not produce sufficient returns for the keepers of the herd, it is time for a selective cull to be undertaken by their keepers and replacements for the stock found. It is recommended that those culled are not used for any other purpose but rather left to rot in the ground, preferably ground that does not belong to the United Kingdom.

Ack: This post was prompted by this article from Paul Waugh.


James Higham said...

Life in terms of the bovine connection with pollies - hmmm, not bad.

WitteringsfromWitney said...

JH: Thanks James, nice to have a 'thinking' comment on this - even if it is the only one!