Once again Edward Spalton, via email, provides something worth repeating, which was in turn forwarded to him by George West of the Campaign for an Independent Britain as material useful to enliven any speech:
Reference is made to the work of Steven Wright, a famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do. . . Here are a selection of his gems, with my comments added:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize - worked for Obama in 2009.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back - worked for Greece, too.
3 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot - worked for politicians since..........
4 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good - something that politicians would not know about as they have no conscience.
5 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory - the latter something politicians have.
6 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain - damn environmentalism, again
7- OK, so what's the speed of dark? - a question I leave to scientific readers; or our government who professes to know everything.
8 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm - common complaint amongst voters.
9 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane - again, something our politicians have yet to learn.
10 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now - until election time, then politicians remember the first part.
11 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? - Applicable to Cameron, Clegg, MiliE; and their MPs.
12 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines - no, weasels just get sucked into political positions.
13 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried - something practised by politicians.
14 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking - which is why most political policies are crap.
15 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it - as a voter said on exiting a polling station.
16 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research - as most journalists don't admit.
17 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film - applicable to political parties when fulfilling their manifesto promises.